-- But maybe theyre very shrewd psychologists and they could just look at my face and tell.

-- Probably because Im a poor pregnant woman dont you think?

-- Once I thought I was to be admitted. There were encouraging letters.

-- Yes, I am still trying to get into the Conservatory, although my chances are probably worse than ever.

-- Well I guess youre right.

-- Non-Conservatory people have their own lives. We Conservatory people dont have much to do with them but we are told they have their own lives.

-- Yes, it feels pretty good. Very often there is, upon the tray, a rose.

-- The great black ironwork doors of the Conservatory barred to you forever.

-- Are they looking out of the windows?

-- Cmon Hilda dont weep and tear your hair here where they can see you.

-- Ill sit with you. Ill help you formulate the words.

-- I want to say my whole life depends on it. Something like that.

-- We got a Coushatta Indian in there, real full-blooded Coushatta Indian.

-- You said you didnt tell them.

-- Ill have the baby right here right on these steps.

-- Well, I misled you. The naked models are emotionally meaningful to us.

-- I suppose I could file an appeal if theres anywhere to file an appeal to. If theres anywhere.

-- Im as gifted as they are, Im as gifted as some of them.

-- I will never abjure the new spirit.

-- Continue working on my études no matter what they say.

-- We love them and sleep with them all the time -- before breakfast, after breakfast, during breakfast.

-- Thats an idea we get stacks of appeals, stacks and stacks.

-- My aspect as I departed most dignified and serene.

-- Thats all?

-- When are you going to change yourself, change yourself into a loaf or a fish?

-- I guess so. Those boogers are really gonna keep me out of there, you know that?

-- Oh boy I remember when it was flat, flat as the deck of something, a boat or a ship.

-- Bread with drippings, and on feast days cake.

-- You will never be admitted to the Conservatory.

-- Was there a fee?

-- Cmon Hilda dont fret.

-- Why thats rather neat!

-- Do you feel great, being there? Do you feel wonderful?

-- Decisions made by a committee of ghosts. They drop black beans or white beans into a pot.

-- Guy named Robert.

-- They dont want pregnant women in the Conservatory.

-- I can wait all night. Here on the steps.

-- Lover?

-- Didnt they ask you?

-- And warm youre warm youre very warm.

-- I have to say it is. Yes. It is.

-- Well then its hardly on that account that --

-- No I was wearing you know what the students wear. Jeans and a sarape. I carried a green book bag.

-- The thing is not to let your spirit be conquered.

-- I stood on the terrace at the rear of the Conservatory and studied the flagstones reddened with the lifebloods of generations of Conservatory students. Standing there I reflected: Hilda will never be admitted to the Conservatory.

-- Thats admirable I think.

-- I guess that kidll be born one of these days, right?

-- I guess that kidll be born after a while, right?

-- Thats not so bad!

-- Cmon Hilda dont fret.

-- When they told me I got between the poles of my rickshaw and trotted heavily away.

-- Naw you wont youre just saying that.

-- That too, frightful. He said he could not get me into the Conservatory because of my unimportance.

-- I read the Conservatory Circular and my name was not among those listed.

-- Okay. Not bad. Fine.

-- Are they looking out of the windows?

-- I want to say my whole li九九藏书fe depends on it. Something like that.

-- Cut lip fat lip puffed lip split lip.

-- Moot.

-- Yes he was a frightful lawyer.

-- I felt they knew.

-- No it doesnt.

-- I will never get there. How do I look?

-- Yeah we got flambeaux. Whos the father?

-- You are not Conservatory material Im afraid. Thats the plain truth of it.

-- Two and a half just about you can tell when I take my clothes off.

-- Thats good to hear Im pleased you think that.

-- Well Maggie its a blow.

-- Time heals everything.

-- They are?

-- I will completely croak if I dont get into the Conservatory, I promise you.

-- Okay. Ill help you. What do you want to say?

-- In there?

-- I was and drove ambulances too down in Nicaragua.

-- I didnt tell them, I lied about it.

-- I wish you hadnt told me that.

-- I could I suppose fill out another application, or several.

-- Well Maggie its, a blow nevertheless. I had to go back to my house.

-- Yes. He does hanging walls out of scraps of fabric and twigs, very beautiful, and he does sand paintings and plays on whistles of various kinds, sometimes he chants, and he bangs on a drum, works in silver, and hes also a weaver, and he translates things from Coushatta into English and from English into Coushatta and hes also a crack shot and can bulldog steers and catch catfish on trotlines and ride bareback and make medicine out of common ingredients, aspirin mostly, and he sings and hes also an actor. Hes very talented.

-- The affair ran the usual course. Fever, boredom, trapped.

-- Jam-packed with études.

-- How do I look?

-- Im as good as some of those who rest now in the soft Conservatory beds.

-- Why thats all right!

-- I like that!

-- Oh it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

-- Grain salads and larg九*九*藏*书*网e portions of choice meats.

-- Where although you entertain the foremost artists and intellectuals of your time you grow progressively more despondent and depressed.

-- I will never be admitted to the Conservatory.

-- Dont let it bother you, dont let it get you down.

-- I could smile back at the smiling faces of the swift, dangerous teachers.

-- Oh God I remember when it was flat. Didnt we tear things up, though? I remember running around that town, and hiding in dark places, that was a great town and Im sorry we left it.

-- Once I thought they were going to admit me to the Conservatory but now I know they will never admit me to the Conservatory.

-- My whole life depends on it.

-- Yes. He asked where I had gotten my previous training and I told him.

-- Youre still pretty and attractive.

-- Its against the rules for Conservatory people to help non-Conservatory people you know that.

-- Werent you in the Peace Corps also years ago?

-- The Conservatory is hostile to the new spirit, the new spirit is not liked there.

-- Fine. Great. Time heals everything Hilda.

-- Trotted heavily away in the direction of my house. My small, poor house.

-- No it doesnt. How do I look?

-- You get the Circular.

-- You didnt take your clothes off did you?

-- Well I suppose it was in part your espousal of the new spirit that counted against you.

-- The Conservatory life is just as halcyon as you imagine it -- precisely so.

-- I could work with clay or paste things together.

-- And probably flambeaux in little niches in the walls, right?

-- Yes I have a warm nature very warm.

-- Well maybe therell be good news one of these days.

-- Red, yellow, and green circles.

-- Now we are grown, grown and proper.

-- Im just going to s九*九*藏*书*网it here Im not going to go away.

-- Yes Maggie I suppose there are. None that I want.

-- And youre a veteran too, I should have thought that would have weighed in your favor.

-- Things are not so bad, you can always do something else, I dont know what, cmon Hilda be reasonable.

-- Yes, we have naked models. No, the naked models are not emotionally meaningful to us.

-- Yes, you have considerable of a belly on you now. I remember when it was flat, flat as a book.

-- What are they?

-- Yes I think so. What do you want to say?

-- I was a face on the other side of the glass.

-- No it doesnt show yet how many months are you?

-- Yes they are very particular about who they admit to the Conservatory. They will never admit you to the Conservatory.

-- Cmon Hilda dont fret.

-- I guess they operate on some kind of principle of exclusivity. Keeping some people out while letting other people in.

-- Did you have a good time?

-- I feel like a dead person sitting in a chair.

-- Christian imagery is taught at the Conservatory, also Islamic imagery and the imagery of Public Safety.

-- Their minds are inflexible and rigid.

-- Yes, sometimes we paste things on the naked models -- clothes, mostly. Yes, sometimes we play our Conservatory violins, cellos, trumpets for the naked models, or sing to them, or correct their speech, as our deft fingers fly over the sketch pads. . .

-- Is it wonderful in there Maggie?

-- No it doesnt.

-- I will die if I dont get into the Conservatory, die.

-- We parted then I walking through the gorgeous Conservatory light into the foyer and then through the great black ironwork Conservatory doors.

-- Probably theyre looking out of the windows.

-- Do you really think so? Im not surprised.

-- Youre not 九*九*藏*书*网important, they told me, just remember that, youre not important, whats so important about you? What?

-- I guess Ill just have to go back to my house and clean up, take out the papers and the trash.

-- Haw! haw! haw! haw!

-- Well Maggie its a disappointment, I must admit that frankly.

-- They will never admit me to the Conservatory, I know that now.

-- Well Maggie its a blow.

-- Its said that they import a cook, on feast days.

-- Theres always a fee. Pounds and pounds.

-- Your distress is poignant to me.

-- Youre not important, they told me.

-- Well Hilda there are other things in life.

-- No they forgot to ask me and I didnt tell them.

-- Cmon Hilda dont be so single-minded, there are lots of other things you can do if you want.

-- Oh sweetie I am so sorry for you.

-- Do you really think so? Im not surprised.

-- We got man naked models and woman naked models, harps, giant potted plants, and drapes. There are hierarchies, some people higher up and others lower down. These mingle, in the gorgeous light. We have lots of fun. Theres lots of green furniture you know with paint on it. Worn green paint. Gilt lines one-quarter inch from the edges. Worn gilt lines.

-- The best students get their dinners sent up on trays.

-- Youre not Conservatory material Im afraid. Only the best material is Conservatory material.

-- Merit is always considered closely.

-- Listen Hilda maybe you could be an Associate. We have this deal whereby you pay twelve bucks a year and that makes you an Associate. You get the Circular and have all the privileges of an Associate.

-- Well Goddammit I thought you were going to help me.

-- They have naked models too.

-- Hot, rinse, spin dry.

-- My whole life depends on it.

-- Time heals everything.