Youre taking this down?
Thomas poured brandy for all hands.
Edmund, said the Dead Father.
He has, said Thomas, Julie, and Emma.
He is the last, said the Dead Father, and the last shall be first.
Paragraph 4, said Thomas, perhaps you will like Paragraph 5 better. "I hereby reserve unto myself the power and right --"
Vast, said the Dead Father. I have no idea. Consult my steward.
Thats rather vague, Thomas said.
Read it, Thomas said.
Your steward has been let go, said Thomas.
They are all separate and distinct figures with no total listed, said the Dead Father. The sum would appear to be quite large, could one add it.
The witnesses will please raise their right hands. Do each of you individually declare under oath that the Dead Father has identified this document as his Last Will and Testament and stated that he wished it to be so regarded?
I care not a whit, said Thomas, pick someone. Or something.
Thats the way it begins?
Thomas nodded.
Rage of the Dead Father.
Yes, said the Dead Father, thats what I dont like, being reminded.
He turned a page.
". . . and that upon the transfer of the right, title, interest in and to such shares by any trustee hereunder, said issuer, custodian, or transfer agent shall conclusively treat the transferee as the sole owner of such shares. In the event that any shares九九藏书 , cash or other property -- "
He paused.
We thought it best that you take the precaution, Thomas said. Many people are inadequately prepared.
Various lands in Saxony, he read aloud.
Im too young. And who will beneficiate?
You need not bother with the details, Thomas said, you are fully protected, I assure you. The thing to do is sign it.
It was thought best, Thomas said.
Of course its entirely up to you, he said. If you wish to leave your affairs in rotten mishmashy cluttersome disarray. . .
No, said the Dead Father, I dont like it better.
It was a will.
What would I do with the regiment? Thomas asked.
Im too young! the Dead Father said.
Oh I have some idea, said the Dead Father. He produced a small black pocket notebook.
Thomas waved his hands in the air suggesting exhausted patience and disinterested pursuit of what-is-right.
Read it.
The Dead Father cleared his throat.
I have made up my mind, said the Dead Father.
But Wilfred is not Luke, the Dead Father said.
Lifetimes and deathtimes, said Thomas, are what wills are about.
I should say, no one. Perhaps the nation. The first step is the inventory. Can you give me some idea of what the estate consists of?
I always liked him, said Emma.
Let us table the question, for the time being, said Thomas. Is there more?
Then who is looking after thing九九藏书网s?
"... shall be distributable at any time under the terms of said shares, the said issuer, custodian, or transfer agent is fully authorized to pay, deliver, and distribute the same to whosoever shall then be the trustee hereunder, and shall be under no liability to see to the proper application thereof."
Who shall I leave it to? the Dead Father asked. Who is worthy?
Totaling what? asked Thomas.
Yes, Thomas said. Shall I read it?
My sword is gone, said the Dead Father, but I have a spare sword, back in the city. My second-best sword. Jeweled hilt and all that.
Well was it yes or was it not yes?
Have you in his presence and in the presence of each other, affixed your signatures?
"This Trust is created upon the express understanding that the issuer, custodian, or transfer agent of any shares held hereunder shall be under no liability whatsoever to see to its proper administration. . ."
The regiment, for example, said the Dead Father.
Thomas looked up into the sky.
Prudent is shit!
We have.
A nut-brown maid, he read. Regina. The stereo. A pair of chatterpies. My ravens. A parcel of rental properties. Eleven rogue elephants. One albino. My cellar. Twelve thousand bottles more or less. Lithographs to be swallowed for sickness. Two hundred examples. My print collection, nine thousand items. My九九藏书 sword.
The notary looked at Thomas.
Edmund?
Prudence and wisdom being two of your strongest suits, Thomas said.
Parcel the news out bit by bit, said the Dead Father. Begin with the napkin rings.
The thing is done, said the notary, where is the brandy?
Has he signed it in your presence and did he at that time appear to be of sound mind and legal age and free of undue influence?
The notary said: Do you identify this document as your Last Will and Testament, do you wish it to be so regarded, and have you signed it of your own free will?
Good deal of handwashing there, said the Dead Father. What paragraph is that?
By the Holy Goat, the Dead Father said, I will not.
Your sword is gone, Thomas noted.
Best we could manage, said Thomas. You have no idea at all as to the size of your holdings?
I shall place the regiment in trust for itself, said the Dead Father. That should take care of it. Have you the form?
Tidy, said the Dead Father, what a way of putting it.
Yes, said the witnesses, he has and did.
More or less yes, said the Dead Father.
This should make you feel good, the notary said to the Dead Father. A prudent step. Prudent, prudent.
What was that? asked the notary.
Read on.
Thomas offered the Dead Father a document bound in blue paper.
A field of flowers outside Darmstadt. Wrinkleflowers. My greenhouses and pottin99ｌiｂ•ｎｅｔg sheds. Wilfred will know. Portrait busts of myself by Houdon, Minque, Planck, and Bowdoin. My napkin rings. Four thousand volumes of cabalistic literature. Cycladic figures to the number of one hundred eighteen. My gouges: The straight gouge, short bent gouge, long bent gouge, V gouge, U gouge, 5/32" gouge, 3/8" gouge. Four skew chisels. My box at the opera. My Bennie Moten records. My Thonet rocking chair. The regiment.
To whom will you leave the regiment?
My wisdom, said the Dead Father. Infinite. Unmatched. Still, I dont want to make a will.
No one wants to make a will, said Thomas. Still it is a prudent step that we thought you ought to take, in your wisdom.
Edmund?
A mind of his own, Thomas said, that much is clear.
As you wish, said Thomas, we shall have to tell him about it very slowly, otherwise it will kill him.
Will the witnesses respond to the question?
Do you want it?
"During my lifetime --"
Dash my wig! said the Dead Father, Ill not do it. Im too young.
I heard "yes," said Thomas.
What is it?
Parade it. Have regimental dinners. Fold and unfold the colors. Defend frontiers. Push into the Punjab.
Um, said the Dead Father unperturbed, so it is. Let me continue. Certificates of deposit totaling --
Thomas assembling the witnesses for the ceremony.
Luke? Luke gone? On whose aut九九藏书网 hority?
Julie will be a witness and Emma will be a witness and one of the men is, I have learned, a notary.
Never having met the lady, Thomas said, I would say not. Also I am a witness and a witness cannot be a beneficiary. I do not wish to profit from this transaction in any way. I only wish to have everything tidy.
No, it begins with a "Whereas." Im reading you the part that doesnt sound right.
Much, much, more, said the Dead Father, but let us lump it together under "incidentals." Do you want Regina?
It was yes, I guess.
The notary said: And have you requested that these persons witness your signature and make an affidavit concerning your execution of this Will?
Yes, said the Dead Father. Sort of.
Yes, said the Dead Father, I like that better.
I have, said the Dead Father.
Of course you are, said Thomas, so are we all. Yet there is a vein in you that may pop at any time. I have identified it. Runs up the right leg and who knows, who knows where it wanders after it leaves the leg. Lurking potential embolisms menace it. I dont want to frighten you, but you get the picture.
I dont want to make a will, said the Dead Father.
It is a will, the Dead Father said, whose?
I believe his name is Wilfred, Thomas said.
Was he ever of sound mind? Julie wondered aloud. As you and I would define it? Strictly speaking?