It looks like a Hawaiian high school gym on prom night.

Yes.

Im going to go dance with Bob.

What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary

dont want to climb Annapuma.

It just gives me the creeps a little bit.

The couple enters. Bob is a goody bronzed god in his King

IKE

really Hawaii.

Sunday, and youre just trying to make

anything yourself! I read your column.

family and friends. May you find

PEGGY (contd)

Lost!

IKE

The laughter swells and swells, led by Walter.

She fights back angry tears.

You really want to let that man drag

With the priest, you liked them

with the others. Bob raises his glass like the good sport he is.

IKE

MAGGIE

Bob rushes after Maggie.

as a little slice of Hawaii. There are tiki lights, numerous

A BAND plays for two hula dancers. The Trouts had decorated it

other people down and-and-and laugh at

Cory approaches.

(to Maggie)

You want a guy who will take you into a

enough. He pushes himself to his feet. Walter is thrilled. He

IKE

Ike watches as Maggie takes the heat, raising her glass along

Hey, Mr. Graham, welcome to our luau.

May the gifts be returned!

ANGLE ON: Bob comes outside.

I had it under control. Now they feel

Id feel better if I knew where he was.

You got something without a toy in it?

Jerry Kramer.

BOB

Supportive? You werent being

May the grooms heart be filled with

WALTER AND CROWD

IKE

(after a beat)

Ike leans into Maggie, enjoying the smell of her hair. She

Maggie dances affectionately with Bob as Mr. Trout, tending

Maggie finishes the punchline along with his father.

Yes I do!

Cor九九藏书网y comes over with Dennis to Bob and Peggy. BOB/PEGGY/CORY/

exploitative, mean-hearted creep who

IKE

-- But shes certainly the fastest.

IKE (contd)

MAGGIE

IKE

All the guests start banding their pineapple cups. Walter rises

Im the only goddamn person in there

wait another minute to find out what

little wild, a little goofy. Some guests (Bob, Cindy, Cory, Lee

Trout announces. Hula dancers stop.

(a pause)

PEGGY

Ike watches their reaction. The silence is deafening. All the

bar, greets Ike.

not be Maggies.

looking Hawaiian Princess get-up. But her face reflects none

Yes.

MAGGIE

walks to his car

CORY

the leper colony in Molokai?

MRS. TROUT

Walter gets a bit laugh. He goes again.

MAGGIE

You know... Blocked Bart Starr, crewcut

May the pitter-patter of little feet

WALTER (contd)

EXT. TROUTS BARN - THE NEXT NIGHT

George was doing!

Every one of those times I was being

MAGGIE

Missed me bad, huh?

No, Maggie, I defended you.

TIMES OUT:

Its a small barn thats been converted into a luau with a bar.

shushes the CROWD.

MAGGIE

Brian told you that?

She lets him lead her away.

(then)

she hears him.

you know, Betty and I got married on

them, and criticize what they do,

Mrs. Trout is on stage, introducing hula contestants. Grandma

Hes laid her flat. Maggie cant speak.

Welcome to our annual country luau. As

ANGLE ON:

understand.

and Ted) do the limbo. Walter, Mrs. Pressman doesnt turn as

Humiliating you is what everyone else

Whered Maggie go?

IKE

pulling for you.

IKE

scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried.

LOU TROUT

(nods to doo九九藏书r)

What!?

That was very interesting research

Thats right. Youre so lost you dont

hopes and the brides feet be filled

Maggie and Bob pose for pictures with some of the guests.

In the tradition that has grown through

the only one whos lost and you know it!

PEGGY

Hes got a tropical sheet wrapped around his pants and shirt.

Lighten up, wahine.

Its fun! Its high.

I like those grapes.

PEGGY

-- Tell me something, do you really

Ike looks at her drooped shoulder and he shakes his head and

MAGGIE

MAGGIE

EXT. TROUTS BARN - NIGHT

BOB

Am I right? Well? Am I right?

MAGGIE

Ike runs after Maggie. He grabs her arm and turns her to him.

as the front!

IKE

me run! Why? Because youre a cynical,

Or the sexual habits of locusts?

Let me take you back inside, okay?

You never wrote one about you. Im not

This year, were dedicating our first

losing a daughter..." Well, Id like to!

Not now.

A pair of expressive pantomime "A Little Grass Shack".

May the back of the dress be as pretty

wouldnt know real love if it bit him

A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON

wake you up at dawn because hes

MAGGIE

(yell)

Bob.

headdress.

MAGGIE

MRS. PRESSMAN

No you dont. You want a man who will

TIME CUT:

Oh, she just went to get me something

MAGGIE

He walks to the bar and is greeted warmly by Lee. Maggie gets

TIME CUT:

MRS. TROUT

Here. She may need this. Its not

And where you ever really going to run

BOB (contd)

ANGLE ON: Ike just entering the party. At least he tried.

the rim of the crater, Diamond Head.

IKE

King and Queen, dance.

up, our host, "九-九-藏-书-网;A Honey of a Beekeeper",

tattoo?

I dont and I dont think you should...

lead you down the beach with his head

As we come in, the hula dancers finish their applause and Mrs.

this is funny?

INT. TROUTS BARN - NIGHT

What are you doing?

youll say. Am I right?

cave with a thousand candles just to

I havent seen him in twenty-four hours.

judges the Hawaiian dancing. The party is at full tilt -- a

We hear Hawaiian music. We see a truck with GUESTS drive up and

is doing. Its the theme of this party.

LOU TROUT

WALTER AND MAGGIE

Maggie may not be Hales longest

close, he slurs.

Thats called changing your mind.

Just like now. You are the most lost

Dennis poses with Maggie. Cory poses with Bob. Mrs. Trout runs

Maggie and Bob start to dance as the Quarter sings "Aloha Oe."

(grabbing the

TED

Mag. Help me out here. Green Bay.

BOB

IKE

IKE

headdress youre wearing.

PEGGY

MAGGIE

MAGGIE

Well, they should. Because theyre

IKE

There are shouts of "Hear hear!" Walter roars.

WALTER (contd)

Maggie. Maggie.

But enough toasts, lets hula. Lets

managed to find their old Hawaiian shirts.

IKE (contd)

Kamahamela outfit. Maggie is spectacular in her authentic

about to watch you hang yourself again.

with umbrellas. Plastic leis abound and most people have

your mind off the reporter.

(under her breath)

supportive. Something you wont

(wincing)

MRS. TROUT

in the armpit! And all you do is tear

more, are here, milling around wit tropical drinks garnished

Where did you disappear to?

Ike cant believe it.

What can I get you?

Or maybe you just wanted to wear the

(calling after her)

MAGGIE

She gets everyone up to hula. Band plays fast tune. Maggie

Lou Trout..

even know how you like your eggs.

notices, but acts casual.

fiancee.

and gives Ike a very hard look as he puts his arm around his

Lou Trout stands with his glass raised.

PEGGY

Am I right?

Come on and give us a toast.

because youre too afraid to do

the years, it is now Toast Time! First

mistakes...

Right guard.

unsteadily, lifting his pineapple.

IKE

very flustered.

Lighten up, what?

MRS. TROUT

LOUT TROUT

... Are you okay?

with lead!

Hey, Bob. I got twenty dollars bet on--

walks through the CROWD down the steps and outside. Ike

over your eyes just so you can discover

I dont know, give me a minute.

No, thats called not having a mind of

target. May you be publicly flogged

statuary. Strings of colored lights crisscross the ceiling.

MAGGIE

Ike exits. Then, Bob comes over.

Attention. Listen to Walter. Listen

MRS. TROUT (contd)

guests stare at Maggie. Mortified, she holds back tears.

egg whites only, thank you very much.

MAGGIE

and glances around for Ike, hating herself for it.

from going outside to follow Maggie). Bob thinks about it.

Are you all right with this?

yourselves the bulls eye of an easy

Both Maggie and Ike are breathing hard. Bob comes up to Maggie

You know the old saying, "Youre not

Maggies family, Mrs. Trout and people weve already met, and

care about Mount Everest?

IKE

Would it?

out of film and goes to get more, leaving Peggy and Maggie alone.

you up Annapuma on your ho九*九*藏*书*网neymoon? You

follows, but Peggy grabs a coat for her. Bob watches her go as

(referring to her headdress)

(to Ike, handing him a jacket)

sorry for me.

You humiliated me!

Peggy whispers to Maggie.

HULA DANCERS through barn slats.

rented plastic palm trees and fiberglass copies of Hawaiian

IKE

MRS. TROUT

MAGGIE

Stop. Stop it! Im getting married on

Because hes the man.

King and Queen of Hawaii, Maggie and

running joke...

the feel of the sand under your feet.

Its a joke. Theyre kidding.

Pictures of the King and Queen.

Ill give you a toast. To Maggies

Uproarious laughter. Maggie looks terribly pained. Ikes had

I already explained about that.

Maggie adjusts her face as best she can.

That was funny.

Everybody dance.

start the music up.

IKE

DENNIS CHUFFA: About Bart Starr and football. (Which keeps Bob

dance to the soon-to-be newlyweds, the

IKE

your own. What are you doing, Maggie?

of the festivities around her. Every now and then, she looks up

With the bug guy, poached. Now its

Excuse me?

You want me to make a toast? Okay...

MAGGIE

MAGGIE

BOB

from the car.

Everybody dances.

burning to talk to you and he cant

MRS. TROUT (contd)

woman I have ever laid eyes on.

This party is for you and Bob. Get

PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

for all of your bad choices and may

Shut up, wahines!

WALTER

microphone)

WALTER

BOB

read you a poem. You want a man to

Maggie has no response.

Are you all right with this? You think

supportive. You were being scared.

Oh, look, Mr. Graham, how about a toast?

your noses to rubbed in all of your

Aloha. Thats a very fetching